For parents, the difficult part is often not the emotion itself, but knowing how to respond when emotions feel big, intense, or overwhelming.

Emotion coaching is a gentle, evidence-based approach that helps children and teens learn to understand, express, and manage their emotions in healthy ways. Rather than trying to shut emotions down or fix the problem straight away, emotion coaching focuses first on connection, then on learning and problem-solving.

Why Emotions Can Feel So Overwhelming

When a child or teen experiences a strong emotion, the emotional part of the brain, often referred to as the “feeling brain”, takes over. At this point, the “thinking brain”, which is responsible for reasoning, logic, and problem-solving, is much less accessible.

This is why explaining rules, giving consequences, or offering solutions in the middle of an emotional moment can feel ineffective or even escalate the situation. Emotion coaching recognises that children need support with their feelings before they are able to think clearly. Once the child is calm and regulated, their thinking brain can come back online and learning can occur.

What Is Emotion Coaching?

Emotion coaching is about helping children feel understood and supported in their emotional experiences while still guiding them towards appropriate behaviour and coping strategies. It sends the message that emotions are safe and manageable, even when they feel uncomfortable or intense.

This approach does not mean allowing all behaviours or removing boundaries. Instead, it teaches children that all emotions are acceptable, while not all behaviours are. Emotion coaching can be especially helpful for children and teens who experience emotions more intensely, including autistic children and young people with ADHD.

How Emotion Coaching Works

Emotion coaching often begins by noticing emotions early, before they escalate. Changes in facial expression, body language, tone of voice, or behaviour can all be early signs that a child is starting to struggle emotionally. Picking up on these cues creates an opportunity to respond with support rather than reacting once emotions boil over.

Stressful or challenging moments can then be reframed as opportunities for connection and learning. This may involve pausing your automatic response, taking a breath, and checking whether you have the time and emotional capacity to be present. Even brief moments of calm, attuned attention can help a child feel safe and supported.

A key part of emotion coaching is communicating understanding and acceptance of the emotion. Validation helps reduce emotional intensity and lets children know they are not alone in their experience. Phrases such as “That sounds really hard” or “I can see why you’d feel frustrated” help children feel seen and heard. Normalising emotions, such as saying, “It’s okay to feel this way when things are tricky,” can also be very reassuring.

Helping children name their feelings is another important step. When children are supported to put words to what they are experiencing, emotions become easier to manage over time. You might gently reflect on what you observe by saying, “It sounds like you’re feeling annoyed,” or “I’m wondering if you’re feeling worried about tomorrow.” For some children, especially younger or neurodivergent children, visual supports or emotion charts can make this process easier.

Once the child is calm and regulated, the focus can shift to problem-solving. This is the time to talk about expectations, set limits if needed, and explore what might help next time. Parents can clearly communicate that while all feelings are okay, certain behaviours are not, and then work collaboratively with their child to find solutions. This might include discussing coping strategies, making a plan for similar situations, or identifying how the parent can provide support earlier next time.

Why Emotion Coaching Is Helpful

Over time, emotion coaching supports children and teens to develop stronger emotional awareness and intelligence, improved self-regulation, and greater confidence in managing challenges. Children learn that emotions are temporary, manageable, and something they can talk about safely with trusted adults.

Emotion coaching does not aim to remove emotional ups and downs. Instead, it helps children build the skills they need to move through them with support, understanding, and resilience.

Emotion coaching can also help the adults involved to be more accepting of emotions with their children and guide them on how to manage their own emotions better.

If emotional challenges feel frequent, intense, or difficult to manage at home, a psychologist or other allied health professional can provide guidance and support for both parents and children as they develop these skills together.